Bullying Information

Bullying

Frequently Asked Questions*

What is bullying?

Bullying is defined as repeated behaviors intended to hurt someone physically, emotionally, or socially and usually involves an imbalance or a perceived imbalance or power.

What are the 3 roles in bullying?

1. BULLYING BEHAVIOR is behavior that is hurtful or mean.  This behavior may include pushing, shoving, hitting, intimidating, controlling, manipulating, spreading rumors, bossing, and excluding.
2. The TARGET/VICTIM is the person receiving the bullying behavior.  The target can not be a victim by choosing not to let the bully behavior affect them in a negative way.
3. The BYSTANDER is the witness or person standing by seeing the problem.  Bystanders have the power to make a positive difference in the situation.

What is Cyber-Bullying?

Cyber-bullying uses computers and cell phones to bully others.  This can happen day or night at one click of a button. Websites can be created to ridicule others.  Things are said in a text or online that would never be said face-to-face. 

How Do I Help If My Child Is Using Bullying Behaviors?

1. Intervene immediately with discipline, not punishment.  Discipline involves the child taking ownership of the problem and the child solving the problem. 
2. Create opportunities to “do good.” 
3. Nurture empathy.  This means being able to put yourself in someone else’s place.  Ask questions about how someone might be feeling and why.
4. Teach friendship skills.  Discuss the statement, “To have a friend, you must first be a friend.”
5. Closely monitor TV, computer activities, and music.

How Do I Help If My Child Is a Target or Victim?

Be sure you are calm before discussing the situation.  Don’t take over and try to solve the problem.  This sends the message that your child is not capable of handling the situation.  Also, be careful not to send a blaming message, such as “What did you do wrong?” or “What are you doing to cause this?”  Here are some suggestions:

1. Be a good listener.
2. Ask questions, such as “What happened next?”
3. Listen to the whole story encouraging your child to share details.
4. Repeat back what you are hearing to help clarify the situation.
5. Be empathetic, but empowering. 
6. Ask if he/she can think of something to say or do that would be helpful.  Role play for practice.

Try to encourage your child to act on their own behalf the first couple of incidents.  If bullying behaviors continue or become extreme, it’s time to intervene.  Make sure your child knows that you are contacting the teacher.

How Do I Help If My Child Witnesses Bullying Behavior?

The bystander has the power to make a positive difference.  If your child feels safe, tell the bully to stop.  If not, invite the target to join his/her group.  Let the target know that you heard what was said.  If bullying behavior continues or is extreme, it is important to get help from an adult. 

What Is the Difference Between Teasing and Taunting?

TEASING is intended to get both parties to laugh.  It pokes fun in a lighthearted way and is never intended to hurt.  It is innocent in nature and is discontinued when the person being teased becomes upset.

TAUNTING is based on an imbalance of power and is one sided, intending to hurt or harm.  It involves humiliating, cruel, or demeaning comments hidden under a joke.  It is directed at the target and continues even if the person objects.

How Do You Stop Rumors?

Friendships communication can lead to negative talk and be passed on as rumors.  It is important for children to understand the damage that rumors can cause.  To decide if it is okay to share information about another person, tell your child to ask these two questions:  Is it true?  Is it kind?  If the answer is “no” to either question, don’t repeat it.

Cyber-Bullying Tips

1. Become tech savvy so you can navigate the computer and speak the same language as your child.
2. Do not allow your child to have a computer in their room or other isolated area.  Computers need to be placed in an area that is easily monitored. 
3. Review safety rules for internet usage.
4. Talk to your child about cyber-bullying.  Ask if he/she has sent or received hurtful messages.  Ask to see any hurtful messages that your child may receive.
5. Inquire about parental control programs to install on your computer.

The following websites may be useful to help translate text messages and help define techno terms for you.

www.transl8it.com

www.whatis.com

*This information is from the following books:

The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso

Bullying in the Girl’s World by Diane Senn

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