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FUNNY BAND STUFF

Instrument maintenance?

Percussion equipment that LASTS!!

What we see here is the execution of correct drum maintenance to ensure that a specific piece of equipment and its carrier last as long as possible. According to Mark Rogers of Maschinot's Music Store in Lancaster, Pa, "What we can see here is that by sitting on a drum while resting it on a carrier you can see the drum getting stronger!"


 Buzz Roll Catastrophe

WESTFIELD — Students at Westfield High School were evacuated from the building Thursday morning. The school’s drumline was practicing inside the auditorium when members noticed smoke rising from the batter head of snare drummer Joshua Foster.

Member of the cymbal section ran for the office to enlist the help of respected WHS Assistant Principal Craig McCaffrey and the esteemed Dean of Students Kevin Scanlan. Once on the scene, these fine administrators decided to pull the fire alarm.

In a recent report, School officials claim the smoke came, not from the drum, but from a pair of newly installed light bulbs that were illuminating the drumlines rehearsal area.

Skeptical of the official report, the WDN Investigation Team turned to regionally renowned drumline thermodynamics expert, Ian Watz.

“I suspects the more believable cause of the smoke was friction created between the natural finish drum sticks and the coated white drumhead.” – Watz . “When the incident occurred, the WHS snare drummers were playing an incredible 1.5 hour buzz roll. In research I conducted for edurmline.com, I discovered that buzz rolls in excess of 30 min increase the temperature of the impact area by nearly 0.5 degrees Fahrenheit. The long buzz roll combined with heat created by the new lights could easily have caused the smoke.”

 

Things a Band Director Will NEVER Say

  • Wow, that is a boring song. Put it away and lets play another one.
  • Well played everyone. You can go home early.
  • I could not play well myself when I was in high school.
  • Good job trombones! So tuneful.
  • I never wanted to be a conductor, I wanted to be a lumberjack.
  • Of course you can miss reheasals. We are so fortunate that you choose to play with us.
  • Sorry, I lied. We absolutely have no chance of winning the contest!
  • The band room looks clean! From now on, we do not have to straighten up after football games.
  • What do you think?
  • I was wrong.
  • Wow it's hot out here, let's go inside.

 

How to take out Dr. Beat!!

 

Get Ready For Band Camp

Not sure your in shape for band camp? Well here is some things you should do! (You Souldn't Really Do These Things But This is Really Funny)

  • Go outside and lay on the asphalt for five hours.
  • Stick your head in the oven.
  • Hammer your lips with a meat tack for a few hours.
  • Whenever you walk somewhere, retrace your steps seventeen times.
  • Stand perfectly still for at least six hours a day.
  • Whenever you are standing still, be sure to mark down your coordinates in your drill book.
  • Sit in a sauna.
  • Run laps whenever you talk.
 
A PLAYER'S GUIDE FOR KEEPING CONDUCTORS IN LINE
(Or an easy way to get kicked out of class)

1. Never be satisfied with the tuning note. Fussing about the pitch takes attention away from the podium and puts it on you, where it belongs.

2. When raising the music stand, be sure the top comes off and spills the music on the floor.

3. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, or a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.

4. Look the other way just before cues.

5. Never have the proper mute.

6. Ask for a seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favor.

7. Brass players: Drop mutes at every opportunity.

8. Loudly blow water from keys or spit valves during pauses.

9. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your C# was in tune. This is especially effective if you had no C# or were not playing at the time. (If he catches you, pretend to be correcting a note in your part.)

10. At dramatic moments in the music (while the conductor is emoting) be busy marking your music so that the climaxes will sound empty and disappointing.

11. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know you don't have the music.

12. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.

13. Tell the conductor, "I can't find the beat." Conductors are always sensitive about their "stick technique," so challenge them frequently.

14. Ask the conductor if he has listened to the Bernstein recording of the piece. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also ask, "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?"

15. When rehearsing a difficult passage, screw up your face and shake your head indicating that you'll never be able to play it. Don't say anything: make him wonder.

16. If your articulation differs from that of others playing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.

17. Find an excuse to leave the rehearsal about 15 minutes early so that the others will become restless and start to pack up and fidget.

18. During applause, smile weakly or show no expression at all. Better yet, nonchalantly put away your instrument. Make the conductor feel he is keeping you from doing something really important.







Ardrey Kell Mighty Knight Band
Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools
10220 Ardrey Kell Road, Charlotte, NC 28277